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If you can intellectually understand the source of your family member's behaviors, then make an intellectual decision about how you want to treat this person in spite of their behaviors.Attempting to punish them with your anger or retribution won't change their behavior if they are so entrenched in their own “stuff.” Make a rational decision about who you want to be around this person, and practice being that person even if you don't feel it right away.I mean really, if your own mother doesn't show you love or treats you like a child when you're 45 or tries to sabotage you in some way — how can you not want to fall on the floor in a heap and cry your eyes out?
He was sane enough that he appeared “normal” — but he really had the emotional maturity of a teenager.
It is extremely difficult to release these painful feelings in healthy ways with your parent, especially if they are received with more bad behavior or rejection.
Issues with difficult siblings can also disrupt your life and cause you pain, although generally they don't cause the turmoil that a difficult parent can create.
If the difficult family shows some willingness or ability to improve the relationship and you are motivated to try to improve it, then initiate a conversation or series of conversations to discuss your own boundaries, listen to theirs, and to try to negotiate for better behavior.
This can be a tricky conversation when someone is defensive, sensitive, or angry.