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I explain that it isn’t personal…It’s likely that Sam is apprehensive about the IDEA of commitment, not necessarily a commitment WITH Molly.“You see, a guy usually needs to EASE his way into a committed relationship like he would ease his way into a hot tub: He’s pretty sure that once he gets all the way into the hot tub (i.e.commits), it’s going to feel AMAZING…But the first time he touches the water it feels UNCOMFORTABLY HOT…So he first has to dip his toe in and get used to that (i.e.This includes dating other people until either a) he gets his act together and is ready to commit to you and only you or b) you discover that the relationship isn’t fulfilling to you anyway (and you possibly meet someone else that you like even more! I received this quick update from a reader just today:“Hey Paige, You know, I read last week’s newsletter and you were right… The other day my friend Molly and I are out having a girls’ catch-up session over mango margaritas and, about fifteen minutes after we sit down, the conversation turns to – what else? It starts when Molly’s face twists up into a little knot and immediately I can tell that she wants to ask me something.(It’s the look that ALL of my girlfriends get when they’re about to ask me dating advice since they know I do it for a living…)I laugh and say, “Okay, Mol, what is it,” because A) she’s my friend and I would do anything to help and B) let’s face it, a dating coach is never REALLY “off the clock.”So Molly spills her guts.My boyfriend did break up with me and he’s back with HER, but I started dating someone else I like even better. She’s been seeing this new guy – let’s call him Sam – and for weeks things seemed like they were going great…They were spending lots of time together, Sam was calling regularly, the chemistry was incredible, and she really thought that things were going SOMEWHERE…Then all of a sudden, Sam began to pull away. He cancelled their dinner plans one night because he was “tired.”“So what’s his DEAL? “I thought we were on our way to becoming serious and now it seems like it’s the beginning of the end!My friend Molly is a go-getter, both in her career and in her relationships. We can’t MAKE someone decide that they can’t live without us…We can only be ourselves and hope that the guy in our life is worthy – and by worthy I mean that he’s smart enough to realize that we’re totally irresistible.And if he DOESN’T come to that conclusion on his own… Now that we’ve gotten that out of our systems let’s get to the bottom of this.How can I MAKE him realize that I’m the one he was meant to be with?!?”Then Molly makes another face…One where she kind of squinches up her eyes and purses her lips as if to say, “Okay, Paige… Dish it.”I laugh again and say, “First of all, Molly, you and I both know that you can’t MAKE him realize that you’re ‘the one.’He should KNOW it because he’s had the privilege to spend time with the amazing, gorgeous, brilliant, hilarious person you are. As much as most of them really DO want a relationship with a special woman, when the opportunity actually arises to CREATE that relationship, THEY FREAK OUT.”Molly takes a gulp of her margarita and nods her head.
I recommended giving him the time and space he needs to figure out how he’s feeling while utilizing the time yourself to figure out what YOU truly want and need. you took control of the situation, respected yourself, and refused to sacrifice your needs. And thanks for the update – you made my day.”* * * * * * * * * * * *And now onto today’s Dating Dish!Give him a little time to sit with his feelings and sort things out.Like I say in Chapter 12, chances are he’ll come to the conclusion that he can’t live without you on his own. Oakland Cemetery – One of my favorite (and first) date ideas in Atlanta was its historic cemetery, built in 1850, is showplace of sculpture and architecture. And unlike some other mega lists, I’ve personally been on a date to each one of these spots.